By Ken Saitow, Immediate Past Board Chair, NCCOA
It’s a responsibility we can’t ignore.
As adult children, we are likely to have some responsibility for providing care to our aging parents at some point in our lives.
The intensity of these responsibilities will vary over time. They may start with simple chores around the house and the (more than) occasional technical support question. Over time, they might expand to shuttling to doctors’ appointments and being an advocate during these important discussions. Finally, they may expand to making key decisions about where to live, balancing safety with quality of life.
The weight of these responsibilities can sometimes be overwhelming and often compounded by a frustrated parent who is resistant to the changes they are experiencing.
My wife and I have trundled this path to its inevitable conclusion. While it was not an easy season in our lives, with the benefit of time and perspective, we see it for the honor it was.
My experience as a caregiver, coupled with learnings from time spent as a board member at Nassau County Council on Aging (NCCOA) – a tremendous community resource on all things aging – has me thinking about the time when my daughter needs to take on caregiving responsibilities for me.
What steps can I take now to make this process easier for her?
Of course, the first step is to do what I can to reduce the gap between my health span (the period in which I am generally healthy, free from severe or chronic illnesses, function well and able to live independently) and my life span. There is almost no end to resources that address this topic.
The second step is creating a plan to make things easier for my daughter.
Throughout our lives, we are encouraged to make plans. We make career, financial, retirement and estate plans. Finally, we leave a will to express our desires when we are no longer here to share them.
Another plan should be added to this list—one that proactively addresses various decisions and situations that become increasingly important as we age.
For this discussion, let’s call this plan an “aging blueprint.” Key questions to answer through this blueprint include:
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- What steps must I take to prepare my home for aging in place? If/when should I consider downsizing?
- What technologies are available that will help me maintain my independence? Am I proficient with these technologies?
- Whom do I rely on to help me with home maintenance chores?
- If the time comes when living independently is no longer safe, what are my desired options for in-home care and assisted living (options that align with my financial resources)?
- What legal documents must I have ready (e.g., healthcare power of attorney, pre-need guardianship)? If these documents already exist, where are they located?
- How do my adult children gain access to my important accounts? Does the ownership of various accounts need to be addressed through this plan or are those questions answered elsewhere (e.g., in my estate plan)?
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Over time, other questions will likely come up, and the answers to these questions may change. Consequently, consider revisiting this blueprint at least annually.
As you create your plan and work through the answers to these questions, remember that NCCOA provides many valuable resources. These include access to certified aging-in-place specialists, in-home health support, technology instruction and referrals to local attorneys. If it’s an aging-related consideration or challenge, NCCOA can help.
When considering these questions, our human nature inevitably leads us to think, “I am too young to be worried about these issues,” or “I will get to this later.” However, the following statement rings true more often than not – “The moment that changes everything comes unannounced.”
Should this moment happen to you, will your loved ones be equipped with the information they need and an understanding of your desires so they can move forward with the peace of mind that they are acting consistently with your wishes?
The final and most crucial step for me is to use the blueprint to establish an open and productive dialogue with my daughter, ensuring I fully address her questions and concerns. These discussions can be uncomfortable; but they’re necessary.
The process of aging is unpredictable. The best we can do is acknowledge that we are not immune, take good care of ourselves and ensure that those who eventually become our caregivers understand our desires.
It’s a responsibility we can’t ignore.
Contact NCCOA at 904-261-0701 for more information on aging in place. We are here for you.